a search for repose begins.

I have decided that there must be a balance. This I cannot get out of my head. There must be an intersection of the crazy extremes of my life. There must be some common place, a middle ground, the best of two different worlds.

This is my search for repose; the peace, the quiet, the stillness, the calm during the storm of my life.

...

It's possible, right? The balance, I mean. I'm beginning to think so, at least.

I cannot fully explain the subtle ways in which God has been speaking to me over the past few weeks. In my often confused mind I have become desperate to know God, to be with him, to experience the peace of sitting in his presence continually.

I have been through seasons when life isn't so complicated, where loving Jesus is easy, when being with God is light-hearted and fun, when everything is praises and laughter, and I cherish those times. But I've also had my share of moments as an unstable, emotional wreck.

Over the past few weeks, I have seen the God of comfort and peace expand in my life from Lord and Savior to the place of my best friend. He is my source of stability when I have none. He listens to me when I am upset and overwhelmed. He patiently waits for me, all judgements aside. He accepts me when I can't even accept myself.

When life is a whirlwind and I feel like I'm getting lost in the mix, I am rooted in Jesus. I am taken care of. I am accounted for. Not only that, my roots are growing deeper.

Many times past I have felt surrounded by darkness with little hope for the future. Recently, I have seen a glimpse of the peace of being with God. It doesn't come from going to church and doing ministry--although those things are great--but from simply being with God, communing with him, being still and listening to his quiet voice.

...

I have never felt so strongly God's direction in my life. It is not a clear outline, but a longing deep within me. I long for his presence and his peace, the joy from experiencing him, the stability and the consistency he provides.

This season is going to be one of incredible soul searching. I desire to be intimate with my best friend, to know his heart. I want to experience him in the quiet moments and in the crazy moments too. I want to be like him. I want the repose in life that only comes from knowing him.

I want to press in to my destiny.