i am covered.

this weekend was the goodfoot retreat at mt. rainier. it was awesome. so many rad and passionate people. i love it.

during worship saturday night, louie had us write down some of our struggles on a quarter-sheet of paper--things that hold us back from God moving more in our lives. i knew right away what to write down, since all quarter i have been looking these things square in the face. my own self reliance and my performace mentality are huge things that are holding me back right now. i wrote these down, among other things.

looking at the paper, i was thinking to myself, "man, i hate that i struggle with these things," and i started to get all bummed out. but then God convicted me and i felt Him telling me to write something else my paper: "all are covered by my blood." i wrote it in big letters over the whole piece of paper and copied over it again and again. before long, i couldn't see my weaknesses anymore, because all i could see was that my weaknesses are covered by the blood of Christ. it was a powerful reminder.

i tend to forget that i am always justified. on my best day and on my worst day, i am justified; i am covered. i find it easy to get down on myself and focus too much on my weaknesses, missing the good that God has in me and for me. what i am coming to realize is that i cannot change myself the way God can. i can try really hard and act differently, but in my heart i am unchanged. that is, until i give up control and allow God to change me.

i have known this in my head for a long time, but it is something my heart is still learning. it is only by God's incredible grace that i am changed a little everyday.